HPV

I was diagnosed with Human Papilloma Virusin July 2005. I lived in a little town in Colorado with my daughter. I didn't have any family what-so-ever with me. I had moved up there from Texas on a whim to start a new life. I started going to college. I got a nice apartment and had worked a few part time jobs. I hadn't had a pap-smear since the birth of my daughter in September 2003. I had never had an abnormal pap-smear either, till I decided to get one around May of 2005. When I was given the news, I had no idea what the doctor was talking about. I heard the word cancer and was suspicious, but I also heard her say I was at risk for getting cancer, so immediately I thought, Well isn't everyone? I was told that it was an STD, so I thought I would be given an antibiotic and would be fine in a week or two. I had no idea that this was going to affect the rest of my life.The doctor said she had to run more tests and that she might want to do a LEEP Procedure but first she wanted to do a biopsy.

At the time I was 24 years old and very ignorant. I went home that night, got a babysitter (a neighbor) went to the local bar and drank till I was drunk as a skunk, proclaiming to everyone at the bar that I had cancer and was going to die. Looking back on it now, I see the stupidity in my actions. The following month, I went in for my biopsy. A dear friend accompanied me so she could help watch my daughter while the procedure was being done. I am not sure if I am crazy or what but it seems like the biopsy was done in a medical storage room. There were boxes of all types of medical supplies everywhere. There were 3 nurses, one male and two female. I remember them talking about their weekend and cracking jokes that I did not find funny under the circumstances. I laid pretty much half naked on a small medical table. I remember seeing some huge metal scissors on a rolling cart and some other big metal objects. It was so uncomfortable. They didn't numb me or anything and I wasn't even sure if they were supposed to. It took about an hour. They cut and snipped away pieces of meat inside of me. They put the pieces inside plastic containers. I felt like a medical science project. After the whole ordeal, my friend, my daughter and I went down to a park near a river and I cried and I cried and I cried. I had never felt so hurt and ugly before in my life.

A few weeks later I had to go in for the LEEP Procedure. They described it to me that it would feel like a cigarette was being dragged across my cervix, and they weren't kidding. It was done there in the doctors office. I remember the smell of my flesh burning and the sound of the electric device they used to remove the small amount of abnormal cells. I was relieved that it was gone and felt everything was fine and I would not have to worry about this ever again. I guess I should of asked more questions, but I didn't.

In December 2005 I came back home to Texas. I was so happy to be back home with my family. I got a job working with my aunt and got a new apartment and then got a new boyfriend, but that is a whole other story. I got pregnant and had another baby girl. I didn't have any abnormal pap-smears. Not another word of HPV. I put it all out of my mind and forgot all about it. Needless to say my relationship did not work out and I met my now husband in November 2007. Again, pap-smears were all A-ok, till I found out I was pregnant with my son in June 2008.

I was told that I had an abnormal pap-smear and that I had cancerous cells. I told the doctor that it was all removed in 2005 and that it wasn't possible. This is when I learned the hard truth. HPV doesn't have a cure. It may lie dormant, but I will always have it. Even if they remove it, it will come back. Since I was pregnant he didn't want to do any procedures till after I delivered, which was fine with me.

Again I put it out of mind and forgot all about it. I gave birth to a healthy 10 pound baby boy in February 2009. Six weeks later I went back in for my check up and another week later I was called back into the office. I was told that I had severe cervical dysplasia and that a cone biopsywas going to have to be done. So I did it. It was an out patient procedure that hurt like crazy afterwards. I was in a lot of pain for about a week. They put a large cotton ball inside of me and I did not realize it till it came out on its own, which was very scary, but I now know that it was supposed to be there. My husband was awesome and helped me through the week with the kids. I had had an IUD put in just a week before the surgery as well and that was painful itself. I was just not a happy camper down below, I had just had a baby, just had an IUD put in and now my cervix had been scraped with some type of instrument that I never did see but I knew it was shaped like a cone.

So a month later I am better. I return for a check up. They do another pap-smear and a week later they tell me that it still came back abnormal and that I needed to go back in. By this point, I have 4 kids (3 of my own and a stepson), my husband was already gone because he works out of town a lot, I didn't have any insurance and so I did what I do best and forgot all about it. They told me that I had to have check ups every six months instead of yearly, and when I would get reminders in the mail I disregarded them. Finally one day I knew I had to go, so I called just to see how much it was going to cost, they gave me a rough estimate of around $300. I didn't have the money, so I never went.

Well 2 months ago I found out I am now pregnant with my 4th child. So I got some insurance and went to the doctor. Of course their records already show that my last pap-smear was abnormal, and that they removed a "big chunk" of my cervix as my wonderful doctor likes to tell me. But they told me something I was not expecting at all. That my cervix would not be able to carry the baby past 20 weeks. I have to go back to have a cervical cerclage in a month when I am at 16 weeks. That will be another surgery, which may be an over night stay and possible bed rest afterwards. I am at high risk for a miscarriage, which really scares me. I have never had one before and I am scared that any little thing I do will cause it to take action. I got to see my baby through a sonogram and although it is only the size of a plum, it was full of energy, moving its arms and legs around. I couldn't believe that this baby is healthy and ready to live life in just six months but my stupidity as a young adult may prevent it from happening.

What this all boils down to is that I don't know when I got HPV. It could of been the guy I dated for a month or the one I dated for 4 years. I will never know. I have my regrets. Everyone always said to practice safe sex so you wont get pregnant. Well I never practiced safe sex, I never got pregnant, and I never got an STD, till I discovered I had HPV. And this isn't an STD you take some antibiotics for, or one you are given a cream or a shot for, this STD causes cancer. I didn't realize that my careless actions from when I was younger would affect the life of my unborn child. I didn't realize that even though they can remove the cancerous cells that they will come back, whether its 2 years later or a month later.

As of right now, I haven't heard back from the doctor. Tomorrow it will be a week. He was running tests to see if the cancerous cells needed to be removed before the baby is born, if they do, it may mean termination of my pregnancy. If they can wait to be removed till after I give birth then I will have the cervical cerclage and deliver a healthy baby in October. I guess no news is good news in this case. My next appointment is April 19 and I will know more then.

I was not able to get a vaccine for HPV because I already have it. But I encourage mothers out there to have their daughters vaccinated. I know there are girls out there who will think like I did and not worry about practicing safe sex, but their future can be highly affected by this virus. I am lucky to have had my children, but others may not be so lucky. I want to keep this baby that I am pregnant with now. If I would of known the consequences I would of listened to everyone who told me to be careful and be safe. All I can do is hope for the best. Hope the cancerous cells wont get any worse and can be removed later and hope that the cervical cerclage will work.

I know there are things in life that are way worse than this. I know some get actual cancer and are never able to have any children. But this is still a stressful and hard situation for any woman to go through. I have two daughters of my own who I will definitely get vaccines for. I want the best for them and never want them to go through what I am going through.

If you want more information on the vaccine, please don't hesitate to contact your personal OBGYN. It may save the life of your unborn child or even grandchild.